Lights, Camera, Action: TERM 2
Yu Ming is Ainm Dom
One of my fav short films
I know a man - class feedback/notes
Hi Larry and The Class
I've had a tinker with the script. The point most people raised was getting more of a glimpse of the landlady, and they're right, she should be doing something while she's on the phone.
I've done one version of this, but it's something that could be thrown open to yourself and the class, as you know what props and locations you'll have to work with, and there's probably several equally comedic versions of the activity I've got now.
She could still be in her own home (probably easiest, but may be a bit samey if James' scenes are also in a house) but doing something odd, like trying to have a romantic glass of wine with someone who she just wants to end the call and get back to, reading a bedtime story to her kids, who get traumatised by all this talk of Satan, or trying to feed her cat.
Or she could be out somewhere, either showing a prospective tenant round a (better) property as in this draft, or jogging in the park, playing golf, teaching a class in economics or property development, or taking a yoga or art class. If she's out, she'll need two mobile phones rather than talking to James on a landline and texting the Exorcist on a mobile, but I think we'll buy that a wheeler-dealer landlady would have two phones - or just grab someone else's as she does here.
The main thing is that whatever it is, she just wants to get James' problem dealt with quickly and go back to whatever she was doing.
As you know, comedy's really subjective, so I don't mean to disregard the other points - just wanted to reply to some of the ones I didn't take on board...
‘it’s not the oven. Actually that’s not working either’ – lose the ‘we don’t need to eat’ line. Too gaggy and I prefer the exorcist providing the comedy
Could well be right. For gags I'd be inclined to film them anyway - can always cut it in the edit if it feels out of place.
Change the gag ending. They could be watching the news and James says “if you watched that every day you’d be afraid to leave the house”
Could work, but I'd be concerned about losing the flow. My preference with comedy like this is to keep it all effectively one scene.
Add in a casual activity. James is casually cooking sausages and talking about the devil- camera keeps referring back to him.
Yep, but it should be the landlady doing the casual thing - the main thing on James' mind is getting the devil out of his house, she's the one who's otherwise occupied.
Also, while I wrote the tenant as "James" it could equally be a girl in the house. Just a thought when it comes to casting...
Hope that all works. Speak soon,
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